Reply to My fiance died recently in a car accident

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm sorry, Op.  Please try to honor your fiance's memory by doing good and kind things on his behalf.  Remember how he made you feel and try to keep that love alive.

Writing venomous notes to his family would only cause you regret.  It's better not to let your mind think such negative thoughts.

Although sharing your grief with other people who also cared about your fiance at his funeral would have helped to give you closure, understand that his family may not have wanted to delay his service until you got there for a lot of different reasons that weren't strictly about you.  Remember, they are grieving, too  Maybe you could create an online memorial to your fiance expressing your love and fond memories of him (with pictures).  It may surprise his parents to see the depth of your relationship together.  Let them see the side to their son that you saw.

I'm so sorry for your loss.[/quote

Yes, they are grieving. But I was also grieving. And they held the service a month after he died.

They abused him horribly in life. I mean beaten with a belt type of abuse. He had constant flashbacks of this. I do feel venom toward them. I haven't stated one ill word toward them. His brother wrote me a horribly nasty email after he went through our private emails about a week after my fiance's death. His family caused him pain in life and have caused me pain since his death. His family was emotionally abusive to both of us when he was still alive. My fiance WANTED me to write a letter to his mother telling her off basically. That was his wish. I'm not saying I'll do it, but I cannot fully convey here the pain and grief these people caused both of us. They are downright evil. And no, there was NO REASON that I could not be there. There was no reason they couldn't have included me. That was not honoring him at all by leaving me out. I was the person who knew him better than anyone else. It is humiliating that all his extended family was there and I wasn't -- I knew all of these people. I didn't want my fiance to die and have other people think I didn't love  him or that we were somehow finished. My absence at his memorial would have hurt my fiance deeply. And they couldn't save some of his ashes for me. That was their choice. I requested this. I feel like I'm just banging my head against a wall by writing here. [/quote]

Then his family members were not the people who loved him and you were probably better off not being at that memorial service with them.  They abused their power and excluded their son's one and only love from his funeral service.  They appear to be exactly the type of people that your fiance always said that they were.  You are much, much better off without them in your life.  It's o.k. to shut that door.  You don't need their negativity on top of everything else.

As the other poster suggested, you were the one who loved him.  You should plan your own private memorial to him and honor him in a way that would have been meaningful to both you and him.  Once again, I am so sorry for your loss.[/quote]

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