Reply to Is this passive aggressive or am I being super grouchy and sensitive?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Is this passive aggressive or am I being super grouchy and sensitive?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]OP -- I've posted a lot in this thread expressing my concerns about this relationship. In my own marriage, I'm the more "frugal" one. Or I was. I'm the wife.

I got married in my twenties and had a lot of issues spending money and experienced a lot of guilt. I grew up in a middle class house where we didn't have a lot of money, but were comfortable. However my dad's constant anxiety and tantrums about every bill made me really anxious about everything. He'd be aware of an expenditure but then rant and rave and delay and miss deadlines everytime a bill arrived. There was so much drama with each bill. And I carried that with me for a long time, even though I didn't realize it. I also just didn't give myself permission to spend on things I really wanted and would compensate by buying cheap things impulsively and ultimately not being satisfied or productive.

My husband is different. He felt like a huge spender to me because he likes his electronics and everything is expensive. He is the type to say that if you want something and can afford it, buy it and enjoy it, rather than overthinking and denying yourself. It took me a long time to accept and see that there is wisdom in this approach as long as he doesn't overdo it (which he doesn't). When I was younger and immature and guilt-ridden I questioned some purchases and it would bother him because it was like I was questioning his right to spend money he'd earned, and it was true, I was. Since then we've both matured and are good about communicating. I probably spend more but also more wisely. And he's become more careful with the responsibility of house and kids, etc. The point is we respect each other to actually talk about it and accept the other's different approach. I just don't see that with the way you have described your relationship. And since you're in your forties, I am assuming he's not super young.

Eventhough I could theoretically understand your fiance's perspective, I think he sounds foolish and controlling and egotistical, not wise and frugal. You sound more mature and logical in your approach. He is holding you back.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics