Reply to Why don't people take emotional abuse seriously?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have to be honest that I may be guilty of this.

In my very limited and shallow experience, the people whom I know who have complained about emotional abuse usually say and do similar things to their spouses. And when you get down to it(in the cases that I know of) it is difficult to determine who is the victim and who is the abuser. Both spouses seem like victims and abusers to me, and I would usually suggest counselling.

Personally, I would leave an emotional abusive relationship fast, but I am not one to advise others to leave because in the cases that I know of, both spouses were emotionally abusive. So I figure maybe there is a way to teach them how to treat each other through therapy.

Physical abuse seems more dangerous, and usually it is clear that one spouse is doing most or all of the physical abuse and the other is taking the heat..[/quote]

I'm a survivor of abuse, emotional abuse included.

I would vacillate between always agreeing with my abuser, apologizing, not standing up for myself, doing whatever I could do to "keep the peace." Other times, I would respond in kind - respond viciously, scream, rage etc. So yes, from time to time I also did what the abuser did, but I did not have the underlying pathology that drove me to see myself as "superior" to my partner, nor any desire to control his actions.

I can see what you're saying but I don't think it's common to have a situation in which both people are equally perpetuating abuse. [/quote]

Yes, I did too.  I think it makes it really confusing because, when you respond in kind, you begin to wonder if you're actually causing the problem, which confirms what he has been telling you all along.  The thing is, when I stepped back, I saw that what set my DH and I apart were his lies and manipulation[b].  Sure, we both insulted each other, [/b]but he would also make up stuff that caused me to doubt myself and made me insecure.  And while[b] I might call him an asshole or tell him I thought he had let himself go [/b], he could go on a rampage of insults towards me that attacked every facet of my being- my looks, my life choices, my character, you name it.  There were times when I sat there sobbing and he wouldn't stop.  There was never a time when it was the other way around.[/quote]
If people witnessed any of those type exchanges or heard you talking like this about DH, then they simply think that you both deserve each other. What was causing you to fly off the handle or saying offensive stuff? 
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