Reply to Has anyone's marriage successfully overcome domestic violence?

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[quote=Anonymous]The only cases I know of where a couple overcame this, it was because there was a specific identifiable (and treatable) mental issue on the abuser's part that was contributing to the violence, and the abuser eventually acknowledged it and sought real help.

One case was an older relative returning from Vietnam in the 70s.  PTSD wasn't really discussed or identified much at the time, but looking back on it he was really suffering from what he had seen and lived during the war.  For his first couple of years back home, he lashed out at everyone, especially his wife.  Violence and a "kill or be killed" mentality was just so ingrained by that point, and a need to have control over something - anything - in his life.  Started taking drugs, drinking too much.  Eventually he sought counseling, quit all alcohol/drugs.  It took a lot of time and work, but he eventually returned (mostly) to his pre-war personality.  I don't think he was ever completely the same, but much improved from the first couple of years home.

Another case, the husband was prone to rages that grew worse in his 30s.  He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.  Once we went on medication, the rages subsided.  It took a long time, and a couple of hospitalizations, to get dosages and related therapies right, but now he's very stable.

The common theme in both cases is a treatable mental illness on the part of the abuser.  Otherwise I firmly believe "once an abuser, always an abuser".[/quote]

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