Reply to I want my MIL to stop sending 10 lbs of candy for every minor holiday

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She actually sounds like a loving grandma, expresses her love the way she knows how. You sound like an evil witch.[/quote]

No, she is acting out her illness, at the expense of her grandchildren's health.  I know because I have stepmother who does same thing.  "Eat, eat, eat," when the eating is killing you, is not love.

Also, for those who act like it's "nothing," my outdoor garbage can is literally full when my parents leave after a visit.  The volume of junk brought into the home is nauseating.  She buys pounds of treats for my dog, who cannot eat them because she vomits.  My stepmother walks into my house, says, "I know your poor dog can't eat them, but I was in Costco and I couldn't resist, so here you go."  We also get Costco boxes of goldfish, cheetohs, and pringles, not to mention candy.  Even if we wanted to eat it, we don't have room to store it.  I am not going to be cruel about it, but it is incredibly frustrating to deal with irrational and compulsive behavior.

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I'm PP immediately above you with teens now and with a mom who gives more candy than OPs MIL. Believe me, I get it. In fact you are both right. She is a loving grandma, and she's also acting out her illness, though I think you're being ridiculously overdramatic by claiming it's at the expense of her grandchildren's health.

Here's the thing: it's not going to change. You can possibly shave a little off the edges -- I was able to reduce the candy somewhat by focusing mildly on how it was likely to be wasted because the kids couldn't eat it all -- but at heart you cannot change the behavior. Personally I think my mom has a bad case of undiagnosed ADHD but believe me, that's not getting any therapy or intervention any time so it's not going to change.

So what are your options? You can only change your response, not her. You really have to decide what you want to teach your kids about tolerance -- after all, how you treat your MIL is how they'll treat you in 30 years -- and also how much you want your kids to learn about loving people with imperfections. I get how frustrating it is. Believe me, I have been really angry at times over the amount of extra work that it causes me. But years later I am so glad I didn't destroy their relationship over my own frustrations.

Also, believe me when I say that your kids are watching and learning. I see it with my teens. How you treat your MIL now is what they are learning about how to treat older family members, and that's going to be you someday. [/quote]

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