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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

OP, I don't think it's particularly surprising that she's back in touch with her mother.  She's about to have her first child and most people, no matter how toxic their mother may be, want their mother to be involved.  She may also be hoping that the new grandchild will somehow fix her mother (lord knows I've seen enough of that kind of thinking in my messed up extended family).  So I wouldn't necessarily assume the worst about her being back in touch with her mom.  Yes, your former SIL may be a real piece of dog doo but that's still your niece's mom.[/quote]

OP here. I agree with you completely. I mean, totally. We do not speak ill of my SIL in public, and especially not to her kids, and we include her in family events when possible. (The shower was tricky. The niece who threw the shower is married to a relative of the best friend whose husband is having the affair with my exSIL. My niece's husband did not want my exSIL in his house, which is his right. I know. It sounds like an episode of One Life to Live.) In any case, while we won't badmouth her and we try to help her kids find a way to be in contact with her in ways that are healthy (or at least less harmful), we often find that her kids struggle the most to make good decisions in their own lives when their mother is a stronger influence. [/quote]

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