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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.

The idea that I'm spying on him via his email, or trying to violate his privacy by going into his email, is absolutely absurd, and I appreciate that those who understand what I'm dealing with both in terms of ADHD and the fact that not EVERY item of family business can be put into my name (much as we have tried) recognize this.

As a general rule I do not read his personal email, just like I do not go through his texts or his phone calls, though obviously I can see that he received something from xyz when I'm in his gmail.  But honestly, he DOES NOT DO personal email.  He literally received an email from a friend saying a mutual friend of theirs was dying (this info was visible in the inbox), and he did not open it, and did not reply to it, for over 8 months.  Prior to this past year, I would occasionally say something like, "I noticed you had an email from so and so that looked important, you might want to check on that..." and he was nothing but exceedingly grateful.  I stopped doing that at some point this past year (for the very few emails I might have) in order to show MORE respect for his privacy.

He did not know he had ADHD until very recently.  Before the diagnosis, I thought he might just have shitty priorities.  I have now read things like The ADHD Effect on Marriage and I feel like this stuff is quite common.  But, he has not even started medication yet (it's been prescribed, but he is scared to try it), and he has not done any coaching or read a single book or anything on how to deal with his ADHD.  So, nothing has changed, except that now I understand why he does what he does.  [b]Our marriage counselor doesn't seem to take the ADHD piece of it seriously.[/b]

I told him that his having a private gmail password was a reasonable boundary to have but we would have to discuss our division of labor if I didn't have access to certain things in his account; ie, he would have to electronically sign his own half of the school contract by the deadline.  He immediately gave me the new password.[/quote]

I posted at length about my ADHD husband and our struggles, and just wanted to highlight the sentence above: I had the exact same experience! Our therapist completely ignored the ADHD, and that was one reason we stopped going. I supposed it's lack of training, that they don't know how ADHD impacts behavior and living with someone else? 
If you are still interested in therapy, I would suggest asking the psychiatrist who prescribed the meds to recommend someone with particular knowledge in ADHD.
[/quote]

Thanks.  His psychiatrist said the people he typically recommends have full schedules, so we were kind of left on our own.  I actually looked for additional recommendations here and on some other networks, and they all said they had no space available.

Can you link to the threads where you talked about your husband?  I've tried searching for stuff but I'd appreciate some direction.  I wish there were a support group or something for spouses of people with untreated ADHD.  I also know my DH could use more support for his ADHD, and there's stuff out there, it's just impossible to get him to seek it out.[/quote]

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