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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Agree that his "hmmm" is a learned defense mechanism.  Maybe developed in response to you, but more likely developed at a younger age.  It's his way of avoiding criticism.  If he takes a position, someone might question or challenge him.  If he responds with an ambiguous "hmmm," or says something non-descript like "interesting" or "huh!" or "i see," then he cannot be challenged.  My partner does that too ... not the "hmmm" specifically but other ways of avoiding revealing any position.  It can be very difficult.[/quote]
OP here: YES YES YES this is my DH and he's foreign. [/quote]
The trick, at least according to my therapist, is that you have to teach your DH that is OK and safe for him to express viewpoints, and convince him that you won't criticize him.  Telling him you find it annoying when he "hmms" or getting mad at him is just criticism that reinforces his sense that he needs to keep his views hidden from you.  You need to convince him you won't criticize or find fault with his expression of views.  That means you bite your tongue a lot, and learn not to react to whatever he says.  If you disagree, you need to express that in a separate conversation, and in a way that shows you respect his viewpoint.[/quote]

Gawd. Or just marry a normally functioning ADULT. Who has time for that molly coddling? His mother, that's who. She should take a hard look at her results. [/quote]

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