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[quote=Anonymous]I really have no idea why someone (who appears rather unhinged) is piling onto OP. What does this person think OP should, or even, can do? She's not only not responsible for the bomb that is about to hit this other person's life (one has just blown up her own) but there's nothing she can do about it. Whether she fixes her marriage or ends it does't make a difference, does it, to that other victim, the OW's husband/family?

as for ppl shocked that the guy would do this to his friend...well, it sounds like he also was good friends with the wife (ap) for many years. This is how things start. a lot of intimacy that already established because they're all friends, add to that maybe some discussions where husband A and wife B start to open up about their marital frustrations and boom, you have an EA that turns into a PA. I honesty don't think it is 'worse' to have an affair with a friend than a stranger, but the fall out is worse and it suggests a greater willingness to blow things up for the sake of the affair.

and as of rpeople who think OP is arrogant or cold? she is in shock and I think--unlike many wronged spouses--she was already willing to acknowledge that there were things in the marriage that could have been improved, she could have improved. Does n't make the cheating okay in any way, but it suggests to me that she has the emotional insight to understand in some way why this happened.

It also resonated with me, OP--we got married late, are your ages (40s/50s) with 2 kids under 8 and our intimacy/romance has not be at the forefront for a while. I can't really say that its either of our faults ,or that it is one sided, but we both know that there's not a lot of passion or chemistry and yet we don't really broach it. While I have no interest in another romantic relationship, I could see myself sexually attracted to someone else --conversely I could see DH falling in love with someone else (he's more of the romantic, I'm more of the sexual adventurer). [/quote]

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