Reply to Do I owe you an apology if I told you the truth and it subsequently hurt your feeelings?

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Reply to "Do I owe you an apology if I told you the truth and it subsequently hurt your feeelings?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you truly believe she is struggling with mental illness, it's not reasonable to believe that she is making a conscious choice to behave the way she does just to upset you. [/quote]

+1, you have some significant mental health issues in your family.  She needs love and support not you being nasty.[/quote]

That's the thing, I wasn't nasty. I was honest and I am tired. I'm tired of pretending like there isn't a very clear problem. I am tired of my dad pretending like I am not the only one who is taking care of him emotionally. Minus me he would be alone. The brunt is on me, but the credit is being shared. Now that my mom is gone everything is on me, but no one will acknowledge it. I am the strong one and I am absolutely sick of the roll.[/quote]
1. You seem to be of the mistaken belief that you can't be both honest and cruel at the same time. 
2. Who cares about "credit being shared equally?" There is no best daughter prize. Get over it. 
3. Only one that is taking care of him emotionally is very nebulous. Did you ever think that the fact that he feels that your other siblings also take care of him may mean that he doesn't view things the same way you do?
4.  Honest or not there is no legitimate reason why you needed to "be honest" with your sister via text. Seriously, most people wouldn't even break up with someone they have been on a few dates with via text. Let alone make mental diagnosis of a sibling. 
5. If you were trying to help you would have given her some resources (I.e. The name of a mental health professional in her areas). Instead you just told her all the ways she sucks and expected her to be grateful. [/quote]

All of this.  Texting is absolutely the wrong medium for this kind of message, and what you think was just blunt and honest may well have come across as cold and cruel.  You shouldn't be diagnosing other people with mental illness in the first place, and if you think there are unaddressed issues, you point her towards resources.  You set limits about how much you will listen to or help with.  You temper your expectations of her to match reality.  But unloading on her via text is not going to make things better.

And if you are doing this expecting recognition and credit, you need to get over that quick.  My mom did 99 percent of the work caring for my elderly grandmother.  But she never demanded that my grandmother "acknowledge" this, because it would have meant forcing her to acknowledge that her other children were not willing to help care for her, which would have been devastating.  So my mom basically made her siblings do stuff to help out, even it it was just taking Grandma out to lunch once in a while, and never let on that she was orchestrating it.  Because it wasn't about her and her getting credit.  It was about making my grandmother happy in her final years.  The only reward she got was knowing that she had done what she thought was right.

You are in a hard place, and you really need to find a therapist or support group or something so that you have a place where you can talk about these issues and get some constructive suggestions for dealing with your situation, rather than letting things build up until you can't keep it in, and then attacking people around you.  [/quote]

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