Reply to Several States considered laws to promote shared custody of children after divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I agree custody should be 50/50, if that is how childcare is split during the marriage. But why should the parent, who has worked FT, and done 90 percent of the childcare and 100 percent of the household tasks during the marriage then lose the lion’s share of custody in the divorce?

That parent is already at a disadvantage economically, as he or she has probably taken a lower-paying job in order to have the flexibility needed to be the default parent.[/quote]

Under our current system, all men need to do to ensure 50% custody during divorce is to make sure they do 50% of the childcare and household admin during the marriage.  Take your child to daycare or school 50% of the time.  Go to 50% of the doctor appointments.  Buy children's clothing 50% of the time.  Do carpool 50% of the time.  Go to 50% of the parent/teacher meetings.

The current standard for custody of children in many states is "best interest of the child."  If you do 50% of the care of your child during the entirety of the marriage, then it will be in the best interests of the child that you continue to provide that care.

All mandatory 50/50 custody laws do is ensure that men can fail to care for their children during the course of the marriage and still get half custody after the marriage, and ensure that they pay little to no child support to boot.  And statistic after statistic show that men, by and large although not all of them, consistently fail to do equal childcare.  [/quote]

It's not about you.  It's about the kid. The kid cares about being clothed, fed, sheltered and love. The kid does not care about doctor's appointments. Your kid is not going to ask you about how many doctor's appointments you attended during their childhood.
If time is spent equally with both parents there is no need for child support.[/quote]

I agree, it's not about me; it's about whether the parents have demonstrated that they are capable of caring for the child. Doctor's appointments are part of care of a child.  I agree with you that kids don't care who does it, but it can be a significant part of raising kids.  If one parent declines to participate in this aspect of child rearing pre-divorce, then it becomes questionable in divorce whether it is in the best interests of the child to provide 50% custody to a parent who did 0% of the healthcare.    My kids have been to the ER, broken limbs, gotten concussions and had a variety of medical issues.  Guess who took them to all appointments, followed up on treatment, stayed home with them when they couldn't go to school, picked up meds, made sure they took meds, etc.?  For whatever reason my exDH was not interested in or capable of participating in this aspect of parenting.  As a result of his pre-divorce parenting or lack thereof, it was not in the best interests of the children that he get 50% custody.

Believe me, kids may not care who does health care, but they DO care that someone does it.  Missed meds, improperly administered therapy, chronic conditions that worsen unnecessarily, and a parent who can't figure their way thru medical care choices - kids feel the effect of that.

I 100% agree that kids don't care which parent provides any one of the million aspects of parenting.  But, if you aren't doing 50% of the care before divorce, it's not in the best interests of the child that you be given 50% custody after divorce.  [/quote]

You just want to se your kid to hurt your  ex. You want to play the martr  to strok your ego. 50//50 is becoming the norm and bitter people like yourself will have to get over it.[/quote]

+1, A dad can figure it out when he needs to.  [/quote]

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