Reply to She's pregnant - I'm freaking out

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Mid-thirties man here. Recently broke up with a similarly-aged single mom because I decided I couldn't have an insta-family. Otherwise we got along really well. Long story short, she just found out she's pregnant and says it's mine (I believe her - we were exclusive and only broke up not even two weeks ago).

I am totally freaking out. I do not know how to handle this.

Advice please. [/quote]

It sounds like you really liked her and she likes you. You broke it off because you did not want an instant family. Assuming the baby is yours and she wants to keep it, what decision would you make if she did not already have children? Would you marry her? If not, what would you see as your responsibility? [/quote]

OP here. If she didn't have children I would have been unequivocal in trying to lock it down. I adore her, but we were at a sh** or get off the pot moment (how it felt) and I didn't want to string her along.

My apprehension in being a stepdad is that I experienced firsthand the challenges that come with blended families - both my my parents remarried (multiple times!) when I was a kid and it was destabilizing. That's due to other factors as well, but I hated being a "step" anything, which extends beyond the nuclear family, obviously.

This thread has given me a lot to think about. [/quote]

OP, it sounds like you should give the relationship another chance. You are scared because of your upbringing, but it doesn't always have to be that way. You don't sound like the kind of guy who would be a jerk and destabilize the lives of this woman and her kids. My mom is on her third marriage and my dad on his second. I had a great childhood and have a good relationship with all my various parents and step siblings. It was a different upbringing from my friends who were almost universally raised by two married parents. But it wasn't some awful childhood, and I have a very happy, stable marriage. You seem to forget that going forward, this blended family thing isn't something that happens TO you, you will be an active participant!

The baby is coming, those kids you didn't want to be a step dad to, they will be your son or daughter's half siblings and will be in your life forever regardless. Your baby won't think anything badly about them unless you plant those seeds in his/her head. I know a few guys who have been in your position. The ones who had very casual relationships never tried to make it work with the mother of their child, but certainly love their kids a ton. The one guy I know who had actually cared for the mom, they ended up getting back together and getting married when their son was maybe a year old. Super happy family now, her two kids love their little brother and it all worked out for the best.

It's already going to be a messy situation, if you think you could love her, you should give it a chance. That will definitely be more stable for your child. [/quote]

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