Reply to MIL not respecting our wishes

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "MIL not respecting our wishes"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Cannot believe that no one has read "Five Love Languages."  My mother did the same thing as OP's MIL, including getting a job at TJ Maxx to find "good deals" to send.  However, I am aware that one of the main love languages is gift-giving.  This is simply the primary way that some people show and receive love.  OP - your MIL got joy from planning the purchase, buying it and anticipating her grandchildren's reaction to the gifts.

[b]Instead of making the reaction all about you and your control issues, understand that this is her way of loving your children.[/b]  Something that she should have the right to do.  It is then up to you, after Christmas, to use or donate gifts as you see fit.  Will it potentially cause a conflict with your children?  Maybe, but that is part of parenting.  Give them the choice of what to keep and what to donate.

Gifts are about giving, and it is rude of you to try to control what she will gift.  You can suggest, but that is all. [b] Try to look at people as fundamentally good and try to understand them[/b].  Maybe your MIL wished that she could have such a toy when she was a child and never got one.  OR maybe she had a similar toy and remembers fondly how much fun it was and wants that for her grandchildren.

[/quote]

This is a wonderful post.  Of course it may be too mature for your audience but that is a different issue.[/quote]

While this is a good perspective, it still is not balanced.

The OP has been clear and respecting to her in laws. She is the one who has to deal with overcrowding her humble abode. Not to mention many other issues this MIL's behavior causes. It's good to sdvise the OP to empathize with the doting grandparents, but shouldn't the MIL has empathy toward the daughter in law as well?

Two way street![/quote]

Way to be intolerant, PP.

Just take the stuff and donate it.  This doesn't have to be so hard.  Respect that the MIL is showing her love her way.  Accept it, get rid of the stuff and move on.  The MIL then she probably is old enough that she isn't going to change the way she shows her love so why fight it?  I'm not saying it's right, I'm not saying it's wrong.  I'm just saying that it isn't worth a fight.  She will be around for a limited amount of time and she means it in love.

I am just astounded by how many people (or maybe just the same person posting continuously) are personally offended by this act of love.  Why are you all so insecure?  What happened to you that makes you so adamant that it must be your way or the highway?  Why can't you all try just a little bit to be more tolerant?

I am not the first poster but I think she has a valid point. If you are a parent of young children then you should recognize that there are a bunch more bigger issues coming down the pike.  This is one to just let go.[/quote]

Different families have different dynamics. My parents try to use money and gifts to control others, including their kids and grandkids. It sucks when gifts come with strings attached. We could never say thank you enough or write enough thank you notes to keep them happy. They felt like buying things we didn’t need or want and had no room or use for indebted us to them significantly.

And for those of you saying just donate the toys- my kids wouldn’t handle that well. It came up with smaller toys before, never anything as large as a dollhouse. If they get a new toy and then are immediately told that we can’t keep it and it needs to be given to another kid, they’d be devastated. It’s cruel. It makes the parents the bad guy for not allowing them to keep the cool new toy grandma gave them even after we asked grandma not to get that toy because we can’t keep it. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics