Reply to I don’t want to have a child because I feel like I’m already married to one.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I hear you--my DH is like this sometimes, too.  Picky eater, tuned out, leaving lots of things undone, then saying he was going to do it later. And we love each other very much!  Things that help are definitely communicating about how you feel in situations like this and recognizing that people genuinely have different energy levels at different times of day (or when getting back from a trip).  And most importantly, learning how to argue productively.

Y[b]ou may laugh, but one of the most helpful things we do when we disagree is switch to animal noises (like cats, dogs, bears, lions, etc.). You can express a lot without getting super angry when you are being a little silly. [/b]

Also, since having a baby (yes, we did!), it's actually been a little easier in some ways. I just say "no" more than I did because I absolutely have to.  And we have a housecleaner twice a month.  And he realized he genuinely had to help more--he cooks dinner every night now and washes up and helps with baby bath, diaper changes, laundry folding, etc.  He's still bad at understanding that some baby tasks are time-critical, but we're working on it.

But to get there, we talked before and during pregnancy about how much sharing of chores we'd have to do after baby--I instigated that conversation by sending him some helpful articles about marital stressors after kids arrive. Talking about things outside the heat of the moment and while the issue is still hypothetical is the best way to go. And cutting each other some slack.  Sometimes when he wants to help, I tell him to just keep enjoying the internet or whatever hobby-esque thing he is doing.  It builds trust and good-feeling.[/quote]

what kind of man agrees to this? [/quote]

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