Reply to Is the line between "courtship" and harassment really that blurry?

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Reply to "Is the line between "courtship" and harassment really that blurry?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How ab It this as a measuring stick...if you wouldn’t say it or do it to another male in the office or in life, then you maybe shouldn’t do it to the woman you’re dealing with either.

This goes for everything from “that tie really brings out the colour of your eyes” to an ass grab. [/quote]

Guy here.  I don't think that's a good measuring stick.  My male co-workers and I will often make sexually suggestive comments toward one another, in a joking way, that none of us would ever make toward a woman at work.  Those same comments would absolutely be considered inappropriate with a female colleague.  Indeed, one might argue that the fact we'd be that familiar with one another, but not with a female co-worker is a form of gender-based exclusion, but that's a slightly different topic.  The key though is that male-female interactions are more complicated than you're suggesting.[/quote]

But you’re not making serious sexual comments to each orher. By your own post, you’re joking. Do you see the difference? [/quote]

Yes, but if I made the same joking sexualized comments to a female co-worker (“hey Mary, I see you’re wearing those tight slacks again to show off your toned ass!”), it would be a problem.

And if I told my male co-worker that I like his new haircut, it would also be weird. But the same comment to a female co-worker would not.

I’m not trying to excuse inappropriate behavior or comments. I’m just saying there isn’t a one to one comparison between what comments are appropriate or not between same sex and opposite sex conversations. [/quote]

You shouldn’t be commenting on your female coworkers haircut either, actually. That’s the whole point. [/quote]

[b]Really? You never compliment another person who you work with[/b]? [/quote]

NP here, and female.  I have been thinking about this lately because obviously this stuff is all over the news and coming up everywhere.  But I can honestly say that I have never felt constrained by not telling a coworker "you look nice/attractive/fit" or whatever.  I compliment my coworkers all the time on their work performance, thank them for how they handle things in my absence, etc.  I have commented to male coworkers "I see you got new glasses" and left it at that.  This has not made me feel like I am not developing rapport with them, and I think it's odd that some men seem to feel like they have to comment on appearance.[/quote]

Why are you commenting about their glasses at all?  Their glasses have nothing to do with their job perfomance. Also,  glasses  on men is commonly seen as sexy  by women. You commenting on  his glasses could be inerpret as you hitting on him a form of sexual harrasment. 
It might be a good idea for you to just stick to talking about work.[/quote]

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