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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Female, age 32. Was with someone for a year and a half. The red flags were there, but like many of us, I either ignored or justified. We moved in together and 24 hours later I found out he had been cheating on me the entire time with his ex. 
God, was I a mess. So hurt, so angry. Couldnt eat or sleep for weeks. It was awful. I don’t wish that pain on my worst enemy. 
Stayed single/ didn’t date for 6 months. 
Met a really nice guy a few months ago. Met him through friends (not online like the other guy) and by all accounts seems perfect. No red flags, no issues, treats me like gold. Doesn’t keep a passcode on his phone / his phone is always out and visible (this seems like a very specific thing to mention, but is important to me because it’s now a ‘trigger’ for me). He pursued me for a couple months but I wasn’t really ready to date. Finally I gave him a chance and I’m glad I did.  No baggage, great job, loves his family, loves my family so far, he’s social, kind, warm, is emotionally available and cares about my thoughts, we’ve discussed our long term goals and we’re on the same page.

Why did I title this thread the way I did? 
Because I don’t feel the chemistry that I did with my ex.[b] I still get emails from the ex outlining his therapy, how he’s finally owning and addressing his PTSD (army), how he’s improving, how he’s going to win me back, proof (text/ emails) that he ended everything with the ex (and the other girl he was sexting with.), that he’d do anything - constantly share his location, couples therapy, full transparency, ANYthing that i need or want.  Saying his life is over without me. He wants marriage and babies.  That he’s crying every day.   And honestly? It’s killing me. I stupidly believe everything he’s saying. I actually feel bad for him.  I actually believe everything he says. [/b]

Yes, I cut him off. Yes, he’s blocked (phone not email). No, I don’t respond (ever since dating new guy). Yes, I know I need to ignore. New guy is perfect. I would never jeopardize that or get back with the ex.  I don’t know if I’m looking for advice.i  Just think me writing that out helped. [/quote]

My ex did the exact same thing. If they are trying to convince you they are changing, they aren't actually changing (or are doing the bare minimum). Once he figured out I was waiting to see actual improvement, he quickly moved on and found another woman who would put up with his crap. Last I heard, they got married about 6 months after they met, so there goes the whole "my life is over without you!" thing.

Appreciate that good man, and if you lack chemistry, build it yourself. Good men are hard to find. [/quote]

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