Reply to MIL reneging on childcare promise

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]Now DC2 is coming very soon, and MIL has informed DH she is not going to stay home with DC2 after all. She is upset that we established some boundaries related to her behavior, mostly with DC1. She told DH she doesn't "understand boundaries" and therefore doesn't want to do it.[/b]  DH is livid. I'm partly relieved because it keeps our boundaries in place and doesn't give her the opportunity to drive me nuts crossing them, but I'm also really worried about putting my very young baby (8-12 weeks) in a daycare center. (To say nothing of the cost we didn't plan to incur for awhile, which is what DH is maddest about, but we shouldn't have had a baby if we couldn't afford it, ultimately.) I think when it comes time for daycare I will be very resentful toward her. 
I am well aware she does not owe us to stay home with DC2, she has no obligation to do so. I just wish she hadn't said she would for so long then changed her mind. It's also hard to deal with DH being so worked up about it because it creates a lot of tension in the relationship with MIL, which of course is fraught enough as it is. [/quote]

[b]NP here.  I think you are being unfair blaming this on your MIL.  Your MIL made the promise to care for your second child based on the same conditions that held when she watched the first grandchild.  You and your husband are the ones that are changing the conditions by imposing boundaries on her behavior and care.  That's fine and I understand fully the need to place boundaries on the grandparents.  However, it was your decision to impose boundaries that caused her to withdraw.  You can't place the blame on her for withdrawing when you and DH changed the conditions under which she agreed to care for the children.  Had you left her without boundaries, she would have fulfilled her promise.

In this case, DH should understand that your new rules and boundaries are the reason that she has withdrawn her promise.  She did not make the change, you did.  I think you did the right thing, but you two need to bear the responsibility of the broken promise, not MIL.  And you need to convince your husband that he should not be upset at his mother.  Be adult and take responsibility for the action that broke the agreement.  I think it's worth it and clearly, so do you.  Just own it.[/b]

+1 It sounds like you were happy with the care your DC1 received from mil in the first year. What changes and boundaries did you insist on for DC2?? 
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