Reply to I ran into a neighbor with someone who wasn't his wife

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Iwas the wife in this scenario.  My now XH and I were in discussions as to whether or not we were going to separate and divorce.  He decided that was an awesome time to go online and start dating.  In the neighborhood we’d lived for 17 years.  I had a neighbor see him out on a date (marriage was over, we were separating, not separated, but it wasn’t public knowledge yet) and she told me.  [b]I was mortified (by his behavior, not hers) because it was so embarrassing.  I told her the situation, before I was really ready to share with anyone.  I appreciate she told me from a place of love but I honestly wish she’d kept it to herself.  It made a horrible situation even worse.  I felt like everyone knew and I was the topic of the neighborhood gossip.[/b]  [[/quote]

This is why I agreed with the imply but give the option for avoidance that it is an open marriage.  A lot of the strong  emotions of having someone say something is that you, who didn’t actually cheat, feel pitied and the fool, like you are blamed or less than why the person cheated, that if you take the person back you are weak, that you are being judged in some way.  This is on top of the crappy behavior by the spouse and sorting out that hot mess.

Giving the person the option to not know details and also assuming it is an open marriage is a bit more empowering and non-judgmental IMO.  Like for all I know you could be kicking it with a hot young stud too and more power to you or you get to keep the money and family structure but have outsourced the sex and are fine with it.  I don’t need the details, I look at it as finding what works for you.  But on the off chance it is an open marriage that only one person knows is open, and you would want to know that, now you know the truth and can decide where you want to go from there.[/quote]

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