Reply to When did you get over your spouse's affair? Or did you?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  This thread is a bit depressing.  Nobody is getting over it, it appears, even if there is a good relationship.  As I said initially, I wish I could get hypnotized and forget it.  But the thing is, this was not a drunken one-night stand.  It was a year of deception and telling me horrible things.  That is part of who he is as a person.  Is he reformed?  He says so.  But it's hard to have the same level of respect or love for someone who has shown the ability to treat me so badly.  He is definitely not who I thought he was, and if we didn't have kids, I wouldn't be staying.  But we do have kids, who I love beyond measure, and I do still love my husband, though I now see him differently.

I guess I'm just going to try to force the thoughts out of my mind to remain sane.  I suppose I've already been through it so if it happens a second time it won't be as devastating.[/quote]

I'm a betrayed PP and I'm not understanding - why not just leave him?? [/quote]

You'll have lots of ups and downs. Sometimes you can get flooded with the betrayal and disappointment; sometimes you'll wonder what the big deal is. Don't minimize the very real PTSD that comes from learning your spouse isn't what you thought he was.

I'm only a few months in, and I've heard it takes years. I hope that's not true here. We too are trying to work through it.[/quote]

Same here, only a few months into the process, which explains why I’m hanging out here in this forum. No idea how long it will take , or if I will ever get over it. I Probably will never fully trust again but hope I’ll get close enough. I’ve read it takes 2 years for most people to even feel close to normal. One year befor you’re not thinking about the betrayal constantly. [/quote]

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