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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm going to throw out one other thought: is she okay in terms of her health?  And are you sure?

I went through a period where I really struggled with everything and was never happy, and it turns out I thyroid/fatigue issues that I was ignoring.

Also even mild depression can make everything hard.

There could be something else going on to explain her ennui. [/quote]

I was going to say, as well - this sounds like depression, or it sounds like something that manifests as depression. I say this as someone who has always struggled to hold down a full time job, or take on a full load of adult responsibilities, and am hearing that in your description of your wife's behavior and feelings.

Anyway, you sound like a good person - she sounds like she is struggling.[/quote]

OP here. Yes, my wife has been treated for depression. She's in therapy weekly. We don't do couples counseling because beyond the proposed change, I'm fine with how things are.[b] I would view myself as content I've made a peace with my choices. [/b]In a way, I don't know if my wife has yet. There's always greener grass when she talks about things over the years irrespective of what side of the yard she was sitting on. [/quote]

This.  I was trying to figure out if you really wanted to kick your career back in high gear and wished your wife could handle taking on more as a SAHM or was it more that you have made peace with the situation and although your career may not be where it could be, you have a bond with your children that you may not have had otherwise and don’t want to lose that.  If it’s the latter, I see the conversation starting there and letting your wife know that the high powered career where you don’t see your kids isn’t what you want.  You want the balalnce and the flexibility.  The high powered lots of travel job may have been how you guys started out and you had to adapt to the situation but this is what you want now. if she genuinely believes her SAH and you kicking up your career is doing you a favor it’s important she realizes that it isn’t.  If she is trying to use it as a way to not have to face taking action to improve her situation it’s important to take that off the table.

The next thing is to explore why she wants to SAH.  Does she feel she let you down earlier and wants to make it up?  Does she feel like she isn’t as close to the kids?  Is she unhappy at her job and if so what can she do to change things?  Is there a different position, like I think a PP mentioned being a reading specialist that may have more flexible hours?  Does she maybe want to have more authority/autonomy  at work but is afraid of going for it?  Is there a job elsewhere using her background that may be a better fit for what she wants?  Could it be related to depression and if so what does her therapist say?  [/quote]

She wants to stay at home now because the hard part is over and she wants to reap the reward of a garden she didn't sow.

I SAH with ES kids but I have been home since day 1, paid my dues and I'm 100% the default parent. DH manages the online bill paying and the lawn mowing (we could hire this out but he claims he "likes" it.) I handle literally everything else. [/quote]

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