Reply to When one spouse has a "big" job

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It seems from the responses that the spouse with the 'big job' almost always tends to be the husband. I have a question for the PPs here, do you think that guys who don't want to share in childrearing duties are inherently chauvinistic or think it's 'women's work'? There's just no good reason to dump all the responsibilities on the wife just cos she's the mother. So I wonder what the DHs of these beleaguered women must be thinking to justify this to themselves. [/quote]
This is not OT, but I can tell you in my case that my DH doesn't realize he's doing anything...so there's nothing to justify. We are both highly-educated, thought I've got more prestigious credentials. Maybe because of that, I've often had more opportunities. So now I've ended up in a really flexible, well-paying job...that I don't like much. DH now also outearns me by quite a bit (I earn about a third of our HHI). Because of my flexibility, I'm able to take care of many household and child-related things that he "can't". And half the time he doesn't realize how much gets dumped on me. He's quite hands-on when he's around, but he just doesn't appreciate how different the expectations are on us and how they hold me back. I would like to change jobs, but it would be very helpful to be able to attend more networking events etc to do so. But I have 100% to figure out childcare etc to attend them, since he is completely unpredictable when he comes home or has to travel etc. I try to schedule things in advance and get him to commit to being around, but I have to remind him and pester him etc. It's just not his priority. And that's just one example.

He considers himself a very involved parent. And in some ways he is. But it's like the work he doesn't see doesn't count. I don't think he's ever thought about the fact that there is dinner on the table (and I'm usually in the midst of feeding two kids) when he comes home. He doesn't think about how it got there in a meaningful way.[/quote]

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