Reply to Requests from a Sibing who is there for Elderly Parents

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Requests from a Sibing who is there for Elderly Parents"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My MIL recently died from a chronic illness that she had for 3 years, it was terminal and we all knew it.  She was single, living along, thousands of miles away.  She refused, adamantly and repeatedly, to our requests to move in with us here in DC.  I don’t know how people can force people to move without having them declared incompetent and becoming power of attorney and guardian.  She just wouldn’t budge.  Maybe because she knew she would die and this was her control, who knows.

Anyway, her only kids are my DH and SIL.  SIL lives in sunny Southern California, she doesn’t work, has no kids, is fairly young, nice husband, nice life.  She refuses to help, she won’t visit, and she won’t try to convince her mom to move in with us.  We hired help but MIL wouldn’t let them in th door. So my DH has to basically move in with her to care for her for the last 3 years, going back and forth between here and there.  He’s missed the last 3 years of everything for the kids, every game, every recital, every teacher conference, every play, every first day, every last day, every birthday, everything.

My MIL decides recently she wants her suffering over and enters a hospice facility where they gradually sedate and drug her until she passes (it’s in another country). SIL just shows up suddenly, she’s arrived to hold her mother’s hand and take over.  Because the last 3 years she couldn’t be bothered.  SIL takes all the credit for MIL’s care, her funeral, her wake, everything.  And bad mouthed DH for flying back for a few days to be in town for the first day of school in September.

So I get you OP, people can be disappointing.[/quote]

Your DH and SIL have different views, no more than that. I understand when people want to end suffering, I can't support prolonging it.[/quote]

I don’t think you understand or maybe my writing isn’t clear (I’m not the best writer). We did all the work, all of it, for years, time, hands on,money, sacrifice, all of it.  She came in for the last few weeks and pretended she had been around all these years for support, when she hadn’t done anything.  I was glad at least she showed up to see her mother before she died, but if you’re going to be the sibling who cannot physically be present for the caring of a dying parent, don’t pull some charade and lie about it when they die.  Have the decency to be grateful to the sibling who was there through it all so that your life could go on as usual.  It was so distasteful, and really REALLY hurt my DH.  We didn’t try to stop my MIL from making any of her medical decisions, she had full autonomy over all her life decisions.  We may have begged her to live with us, but we never stopped her from hospice (DH took her there) or forced her to do ANYTHING against her will.  We took care of her to the end.  [/quote]
I agree, the charade is very distasteful and doesn't say anything good about SIL. The rest: it is so personal. My grandmother killed herself right when she realized she would need help. I fully understand and support her decision. Being taken care by someone seems like an absolute horror to me (I lasted two days before I needed to find out the lethal dosage when I had a scare). I don't think I have it in me to participate in supportive care in person.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics