Reply to Do you care about making your parents happy in their old age?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - thank you for your replies so far. I should clarify - I am talking about at the point where they really start to need care because they can't drive, are isolated, forget medications, have difficulty paying bills, etc.

At that point is it all about obligation or does part of you want to make sure they feel loved and looked after during that period? [/quote]

My FIL lives with us since my MIL passed away.  My FIL has Alzheimer's.  We have completely rearranged the structure of our home to ensure that he is in a safe place with good caretakers.  His financial situation is very stable and we could have found a facility for his care but we vastly prefer him to live with us.  Our family benefits tremendously from his daily presence in our lives.  We do have deposits at two facilities in case his medical requirements change and become much more pronounced (right now we are only dealing with declining mental faculties).  I feel certain that my FIL's physical and mental health now is greatly superior to what it would have been if he had been placed in an assisted living facility.  Any physical demands and stress on us related to having him in our home is offset by our delight in having him with us.

My parents likewise are very secure financially.  My SIL and BIL have already had plans drawn up for a one-story addition to their house, connected via a breezeway, and will hopefully break ground soon.  We also have deposits at three different facilities for their care if they choose that route.  My BIL feels very strongly that he would prefer my parents in this addition rather than an assisted living facility; his parents are deceased already and my BIL has a very strong sense of family and feels a huge loss at not having his parents around now.  My sister will do whatever she believes will make my parents the happiest and most comfortable.  Both my sister and BIL have seen how my FIL is thriving and we all want that for our parents.

Interestingly, all of our children have indicated that they all appreciate having their grandparents around and have expressed that it is their expectation to care for us similarly when we are older.  We've asked because we were worried that it was too much of a burden on them.  Turns out, they feel the same way we do.

It hasn't been easy and there are some people who assume either that my FIL has no money or that my husband and I are doing a money grab but frankly those assumptions say more about the assumers than they do about us.  I don't care about appearances.  I only care that we are doing the right thing for the people we love.[/quote]

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