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[quote=Anonymous]I am curious to know if all these questions were addressed before registration took place? Was this talked about? Was it agreed upon? Were your expectations reasonable? Did you have a peace about your decisions? Were you able to do all the research you needed for this particular school? Just like people, all schools are different, and it's always a good idea to gather the facts beforehand. Time spent with the administrative staff would provide additional information. Better yet, talk to the graduates.

As far as the line bewteen the two - there is a huge difference. The helicoptering approach most likely started well before the adult child leaves for college, so the patterns and habits stay the same. To break the patterns would cause turmoil and stress on the parent, as they never gave the young child a chance to grow and mature on their own, and continue to feel the adult child can't make it through life without their continual input. This is very detrimental to the adult child. A parent, without meaning to to, never does their adult child a favor by hovering too closely. Trust must come into the picture, and a willingness to give the adult child room to learn life lessons. "Rescuing" an adult child in every situation stifles their emotional development.

I think the most important question to ask is why this must take place in the adult child's life? What is going on in your thinking to believe an adult child needs this? What are your true motives? A parent who helicopters is not able to let go. A helicoptering parent sends the message they do not trust the adult child. A helicoptering parent if fearful to let the adult child experience failure and recover from it. A helicoptering parent does not prepare the adult child for the real world. Maybe the child should have never left home for college so this tension would not exist.

Intervention is totally different. Intervention occures for a very specific reason. Intervention is not a a daily routine or pattern or habit. Intervention has a specific goal in mind. Intervention is often associated with an isolated situation where it becomes obvious to the parent as well as the adult child that help is required to stay on track, or some changes need to be made.

I hope you are able to get the answers you need. In my opinion, many of these answers can be found prior to send the child to college. It sure requires a lot of research, but the future of the the adult child depends not only on the professors' choices, but their own personal choices as well.

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