Reply to DH's inability to communicate with his parents

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Is that my only option? I'm really just thinking of pulling back from vacationing or visiting my inlaws as much. The lack of communication really is out of control. Obviously no one has any respect for my days off or how I want to spent my few days of annual leave a year.

When DH needs something from my family, I discuss it immediately with them. [/quote]
Do you want to stop vacationing or visiting?  If so, sure, use this as an excuse.  But if you do want to continue, or see some value in it for any kids; it's pretty silly.  [/quote]

OP here. I don't want to stop visiting them. I like them and they're good parents to DH. I know my SILs and MIL have been making plans, but [b]we're completely cut off from the plans because DH doesn't discuss it with them[/b]. And yeah, of course this means our kids get the short end of the stick. [/quote]

Are your fingers broken?  Have your MIL and SIL prohibited you from having their contact info?  If the answer is no, you are not 'completely cut off from the plans'.  You are making a deliberate choice not to get the details you want/need because you want your DH to interface with your ILs.  How's that working for you?  If you 'pull back from vacationing or visiting your ILs as much', will that get you what you want?

I get being annoyed.  My DH has ADHD.  I do what a PP has suggested work at our house is assigned in a way that it gets done and no one is resentful.  If you want to spend time with your ILs, I don't get why you're choosing to die on this hill.[/quote]

OP here. I'm not really comfortable discussing vacation planning and budget with my inlaws (we have similar issues with holidays). I would like my DH to step up. I'm not willing to do this for him. Every time he doesn't want to do a chore I should take it over for him? I would like MIL and my SILs to include me but they don't and it's hard for me to butt in on their planning as an inlaw. [/quote]

PP here.  [b]How's your strategy working out for you? [/b] If you didn't like your ILs, I'd be fully on board with this vacation falling through the cracks.  I've done it a few times myself.  But, you're letting this fall through the cracks because you don't like the way your DH is doing his 'chore' - and you're getting all pissy about it.

I find it hard to believe you wouldn't be comfortable discussing vacation planning and budget with your ILs.  Why the hell not?!  Is your DH better at it than you are? That's unlikely since he's not been talking to them about it.  I'm sure he's told them that whatever they decide is fine.  You don't like the way your DH is doing his 'chore', you need to speak with them.

Oh, and why are you making arrangements for the dog?  Doesn't that fall under the vacation planning chore?[/quote]

The bolded is what it comes down to.  If your husband doesn't communicate with his parents, and you've discussed it with him and he won't change, your choices are to go along with last-minute vacations, stop going on these vacations, or take over the communication yourself.  You might be right and your husband might be wrong, but being right doesn't get you what you want.  [/quote]

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