Reply to I am sad today...need to vent. Tired of doing everything.

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[quote=Anonymous]Your DH needs to establish boundaries.

There are two possibilities:

1.  Your DH is a partner or counsel (ie, secure in his position) and is using work as a way to avoid being at home.  He might not even be doing this consciously (in fact, he probably isn't), but if being with the family has become MORE stressful than work - you're always giving him lists of things to do or feeling disconnected from him, the kids are always fighting - he's going to find an excuse to stay at work.

2.  Your DH is a senior associate and he's trying to make partner.  If this is the case, the two of you need to sit down and discuss what exactly his firm is looking for in a partner (not all actually want insane billable hours, many simply want the hours met, plus exceptional work, building client relationships, etc) and how long you expect this craziness to last.  Is he 1 year out from being evaluated?  2 years?  Can you hang in there that long, knowing that this is temporary?  Can he acknowledge that this will NOT go on forever?

Then you and your DH need to sit down together and decide what is an acceptable amount of work, and he needs to establish and enforce those boundaries.  How many nights a week do you need him home for dinner/bedtime?  How much time should he be there on weekends?   Etc.

Finally, you need to think about what YOU need to help YOU manage with the rest.  Being a big law spouse does, frequently, mean being responsible for 99% of the "stuff."  Even if you are very good at managing things at work, it can be hard to organize stuff with the kids and at home because instead of discrete projects it's a million individual random things to do.  You need to brainstorm (or google for ideas) a new system for managing everything so that you do not feel so overwhelmed by it all.  You need to hire help WITHOUT your husband's approval (and he needs to recognize that's part of the deal).  And you need to figure out a way to recharge yourself so that you can be a better parent when you are with the kids.

You should not have to deal with an absent husband, and I am 100% sympathetic.  You also should not feel powerless.  It is hard, but there are things you can do to make it better (other than telling your DH to get a new job).  People do make it work.

Good luck.[/quote]

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