Reply to Feedback on letter to my siblings re helping out with elderly mom

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I wouldn't ask. You are already doing everything. You keep coordinating, but assign them their jobs. And tell them how much to send you each month. They will probably be relieved. [/quote]

Strongly disagree with the posts along this line. Providing financially (or for that matter emotionally) for aging parents is a nice thing to do but (unlike something like child support) it is in no way an obligation so the fact that you choose/are in a position to help out your mom doesn't mean you get to demand your siblings do the same. I also doubt you have all of the specifics on their family expenses/budgets so it's not reasonable to make assumptions on what they "should" be able to contribute.   There are lots of elderly without assistance from their children who get by on social security alone. Sure, you can raise your mom's situation to your siblings and ask if they are in a position to help out, but if a sibling (who self admittedly is in a better financial position) tried to just inform me that that I needed to start giving x amount of my salary to support my moms expenses it would not go well.

Bottom line: do not send the letter you outlined above or try to guilt trip your siblings. It's fine to make sure they are aware of the situation and ask if they are willing/able to help, but at the same time you need to draw your own line as to what you can reasonably provide without jeopardizing your immediate family situation.[/quote]

Exactly.  Also, if your mom is living pretty much independently (even with your financial help and occasional phone calls to her doctors) she should have a say in this, too.

What you are doing for her is nice, Op, but your mom is also doing a lot for herself, isn't she?[/quote]

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