Reply to Husband has checked out as a parent

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think a come to Jesus talk is way past due.

The fact that you have a three year old and never go out with friends for dinner because he "doesn't know how to get the kids to bed" is truly insane.

It's learned helplessness.  Tell him you need to go out, and then go out.  I'm sure he's smart enough to put the kids to bed.  [/quote]

I went out once to a friends house to check up on her while she was sick, came home at 9:30pm, no one has eaten dinner, and the kids are eating an entire bag of candy and watching TV because my husband says "they didn't want to go to bed" and "we wanted to wait up for you". It becomes not worth it, you know? And than I somehow become the bad guy. I'm not sure how to explain to him that it's important for the kids to eat a healthy meal and go to bed at an appropriate time without sounding like such a "mom". I feel like I'm always nagging - please put the dishes away, please wash hands before eating, please don't buy candy for the kids right before we are about to get lunch, please  do this, please do that.[/quote]

Are we married to the same man?  Oh, I guess not.  My scenario is the exact same as above, only he gives them a big bowl of cheese puffs.  Happens pretty much EVERY time I get home late.  I don't even go out by myself or do yoga after work any more because of this.  Now, when I'm late, it's because I've worked overtime.  [/quote]

This sounds like laziness, pure and simple.  Does he ever cook at other times?  When DH does evenings solo, I don't expect a gourmet, perfectly healthy meal, but he can certainly boil spaghetti or do peanut butter sandwiches and fruit.  [/quote]

He does not cook. Not sandwiches, not cereal, not anything. I definitely have enabled that. I honestly don't think he's ever learned how to cook. I left a pot boiling on the stove and told him to turn it down to simmer and he didn't know what that meant. He's a smart guy when it comes to work stuff, but anything domestic or house related (even something like yard work, I do it myself), he either waits for me to hire someone or waits for me to do it. [/quote]

So what does he do? Bringing home a paycheck isn't really a great answer if he's that useless as a functioning human being. What did he do before you got married or had kids?[/quote]

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