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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think there are two things to address first:

1) agree on some house rules.  Not YOUR house rules but COLLECTIVE house rules that you both think are important.

Diiscussion points: 
--does he believe there is a limit to the number of hours a young child can sit in front of a tv before it becomes harmful?  If not, show him the research.  If so, agree that you each have different limits and meet in the middle.

--Does he believe that both of you need and deserve personal time?  How much does he feel you each should have?  Can you put that on the calendar now?

--He says he is "fine" so his parents' approach worked.  Does he believe he had the best childhood he could have?  Is he happy with the relationships he has with his family members?  What is his definition of "fine?"  Is that his goal for his own kids?  What is your goal?

2) pick a regular 24-hour period where he is in charge.  And then you be truly 100% hands-off and preferably GONE (come home way after bedtime and if the kids are still awake you walk to the bedroom, lock the door, put in earplugs and go to bed), so that he actually has to deal with the consequences.  There can be no "we waited for you."  If they stay up, he gets to deal with overtired and exhausted kids the next day.  If they eat candy and throw up or have diarrhea or wake at 2 am because they haven't had anything substantial to eat, that is also his choice and his problem to deal with.  You do not get to tell him how to do it, but he does not get to leave the house a disaster or otherwise set you up for failure when you arrive.  And you provide a similar time slot for him (e.g., he is responsible Friday 6pm-Saturday 6pm, you handle Saturday 6pm-Sunday bedtime).

Discuss in advance your goals for your time and his goals for his time with the kids.  Try to agree on a minimum standard of cleanliness for the household.

And again, you need to discuss all of this in marital counseling.  If he balks as whether you whould call a therapist or a divorce lawyer.  If you don't mean that threat yet then go see a counselor yourself.  You and your kids deserve better.  You are bringing some of this dynamic yourself but you can't fix this whole mess without him.[/quote]

This is excellent, thank you so much for this. I'm going to print this out for our "come to Jesus" talk. [/quote]

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