Reply to How to get DH to stop overcommitting/doing too much for friends

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[quote=Anonymous]Unless DH is complaining about their friends behind their backs, I think you need to acknowledge that being with friends and doing things for others is something that brings your husband pleasure.  So going on a vacation alone with you where he can just relax may not be as fun for him as going on a vacation with friends where he does pitch in a lot.  I had this dispute with my now ex-wife.  For me, I love being with friends and it makes me feel good to know I'm helping others out. I'd rather have a basic vacation that involves those things than a luxurious vacation that's just about me and my partner and what we want.  I think you should have an open conversation with your DH about what each of you are looking for in a vacation, and then negotiate so you are each getting some of what you want.  I don't think telling your husband that he's getting taken advantage of will work because it won't make sense to him.  The Gottman love languages book can be kind of cheesy, but it might help you two.  Gottman identifies "acts of service" as a way that some people show their love and caring, and it sounds like your DH is one of those people.[/quote]

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