Reply to DH sent his parents money without discussing first

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You need to let this go. Yes, in principle your husband should talk to you first before sending money to anyone. But you are asking him to choose between you and his own parents. No matter which way he goes, he will resent you for it. [/quote]

Disagree. Did you read the posts? She is working two jobs to save up money, and they blew 12k on a bed and are asking for more. OP and her husband are a family unit now, not DH and his parents. If they had worked hard and saved and ran on hard time, then I imagine OP would be more sympathetic. [/quote]

Yes, thank you. If they worked hard or wanted to change [b]I wouldn't mind helping them. [/b]DH dad has had the opportunity for more stable income and he turns it down over and over again because he just doesn't want to do the job. They had the chance to downsize and instead moved into a country club community. They make stupid purchases like that bed, and a giant curved TV, speakers, on and on. They are very much about keeping up with their neighbors and then complain about not affording xyz and his dad not bringing in sales at work so not making commission and then being fired repeatedly. I  already know we have to help them when they can no longer work. As much as I may not agree. BUT while they are able bodied they need to do for themselves. No washer? Go to the laundromat. Fix it? Buy used? Turn to church community for any old hand downs...don't ask your kids who are just starting to build their lives. [/quote]

Yes, you would. You would come up with some different reasons. I think you are trying to justify your position but the bottom line is it's about money. Nothing else. At least you can do is be honest with yourself rather than b.s. -ing about it. [/quote]

Of course it's about money! Money the OP has worked hard for, and money that the ILs have repeatedly blown on stupid and selfish purchases.

OP, I would have a serious talk with your husband about your plans to support your ILs when they are older. I don't think you should just have to accept that you will suffer and save while they live in luxury and waste money. My FIL is a compulsive spender. Spent 12k on a fancy new car for some family friends as a wedding present, buys tons and tons of new electronics every day etc. So far they haven't asked for money, but DH has talked to he and his mom about their financial future.  We live frugally, below our means in a tiny house with old cars and we do not plan to just start throwing money at the ILs in 10 years when their retirement savings run out. I would never bring it up with them directly, I let DH handle it. [/quote]

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