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[quote=Anonymous]I have boys the same age, and have found that giving them lots of opportunity to work out their own boundaries without stepping in has made them much better at negotiating these kinds of things with friends. Yes, having all the neighborhood kids over at once can get chaotic, so it can work best to give them practice with fewer kids, but I think the best way to help your kids navigate this is not to completely avoid this kind of physical play, or directly oversee it, but to give them freedom to practice setting their own boundaries and working things out. Stand back and listen from another room, even if voices get raised and there are some tears. If kids come running to with their problems, remind them ice packs are in the fridge, offer a strategy or two (maybe you should find something else to play for a while? why don't you ask Johnny if he wants to play on the swings or get out a game?) if they need help, but otherwise send them back to the playmates and disengage. If they choose to go off and read a book, or sit sulking for awhile, that's fine, but it's their choice how to react and getting upset does not get rewarded with lots of extra attention or activity planning from you. If there are continuous problems, I give a warning, then shut everything down without assigning blame (send neighbors home, make older kids go play somewhere different than younger kids, etc).

I made a concerted effort to do this when my oldest was in K, and was impressed with how quickly he and his friends figured out how to resolve these types of issues. That's not to say there are never tears or hurt feelings (there sometimes are, particularly when there are 4+ boys present) but even then, if I stand back, 95% of the time they manage to work it out and have started advocating for each other. It's been a pretty cool process to observe. My older son in particular is not the toughest kid, or rowdiest, but has found his groove in the crowd and now will either redirect the play or find something to do on his own if he has trouble with the dynamics. I think too much parental interference, or redirection from rough play, can make the issue much worse in the long run. That's not to say I won't call out a kid who is doing something dangerous, or step in if one child seems to be getting unfairly targeted, but that's pretty rare.[/quote]

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