Reply to DCUM, please headshrink my MIL issues

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'd look into a small apartment for her nearby.  This is not going to end well.  I'd be pissed at my dh if he left the house with one of my kids without telling me, nevermind my mil!!

That was at best thoughtless, and frankly pretty disrespectful.  She's either just literally not thinking of you, or at worst, knowingly taking over and digging at you.   Sorry op.  You guys are in a rough spot. [/quote]

the conclusion I've come to is that most people not from our class/generation/race actually don't find it "disrespectful" to the help with child care. The child is part of the family, and in most of the world its care largely falls to the oldest members of the household, not just the parents.

it's only because we've made motherhood a full contact sport that going on a safe bike ride with a child = disrespect. Your MIL could have actually just been thinking about your daughters happiness and the fact that she wanted to go on a bike ride. it doesn't have to be a full scale referendum on her living arrangements. You'll be a happier person if you train yourself to think of peoples are acting with their best intentions rather than their worst.[/quote]

OP here. It is probably worthwhile for me to separate what she does from our relationship, as it were, and what it reflects in that sense (disconnect, disrespect, whatever -- if I'm being honest it's more the former than the latter).[b] However, part of the problem is MIL operates 100% of the time ONLY thinking about DD's happiness, to the detriment of any boundaries whatsoever. DD walks all over her, and in turn MIL walks all over the boundaries we've tried to establish. [/b]She's always around because DD always shrieks with joy when she sees her. [b]The only time she goes to her "dungeon" (how she sometimes refers to her specially built, full-daylight, large bedroom with custom bathroom and closet) is when DD is sleeping. I've let it go this far because I know having grandma around is good for DD. But not to the point of sacrificing my sanity.[/b][/quote]

Oh, fuck, no. No, no, no.  Your MIL doesn't respect you or DH at all.  No way should this situation continue.[/quote]

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