Reply to DCUM, please headshrink my MIL issues

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I think a lot of this can be addressed if you are direct with MIL at the time it happens.  Not in a mean or disrespectful way, but with logic.  I think another pp had some good suggestions.
MIL: you can go get ready for work.
You:  I want to play with DD some more, I'll let you know when I'm leaving.

MIL: Why are you vacuuming...
You:  I needed to.  or "I wanted to" would be better because she can't argue that carpet doesn't need vacuuming.

Where she argues with you in front of DD when you're telling DD to do something (or not do something) I suggest you ask her to go into another room with you (out of DD's earshot) and explain that she is undermining your parenting and confuses DD.  Keep doing that every time she does it.

I know this sounds counter-intuitive, but I also think that if you involve her more in some of DD's upbringing/decisions, she'll probably insert herself less.  There's this thing inside us that if whatever our feeling is isn't being met, we push harder and harder to have it met.  So, if your mil needs to feel useful and needed, the more you push her away (either consciously or unconsciously) the more she'll butt in and do this kind of stuff.

Maybe start asking her to help with stuff that isn't a big deal for you.  Things like, "MIL, can you keep an eye on DD's formula (or whatever) and let me know when we get low?  It'll really help me out"  or "MIL, DD needs a new bathing suit, do you want to go online and help me find a cute one?"  Or even getting her opinion on what to get "which stroller do you think is best?"

I honestly think if you give her some specific DD-related tasks, she'll feel wanted, useful and needed and may back off some of the other more petty issues.[/quote]

I mean, she could have asked about the vacuuming because she was concerned the kid was sick or there was some kind of mess she had overlooked. Again, not everything is some kind of referendum on you and most inquiries don't require defensiveness. Yes it is annoying to have other people observe your behaviors, but this is what happens when adults live together. Breathe.[/quote]

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