Reply to Optimistic that I am going to fix my "default parent" situation

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it's silly and annoying to do that list, but I do also think that many parents who aren't the default really don't understand what being the default means.

I'm the default parent and do many of the above things, including researching dentists.  Even when my DH takes my kid to the dentist, it is a place I picked, organized, scheduled appointments and it's just that for some reason I can't take the kid so I tell my husband where and when to go.

I think it's interesting and probably eye opening to the non-default parent to see all the tasks that really go into the simple teeth cleaning they attended once.

Don't flame me - I'm not saying my work as default is that hard, but it is time consuming and it is done on top of my real job.  Also, researching a dentist may not be the world's most time consuming task but my kids see pediatricians, dentists, eye doctors and one sees an endocrinologist. One sees an ENT and one needs orthodics. That stuff adds up quickly, just in the medical area.

I think my DH and I are mostly happy with the division of household tasks (I do most kid related stuff, he does most house related stuff) but I do think many people forget how much work is entailed in being the default.[/quote]

This is OP. This is the thing with the default parent tasks--none of them are that hard individually, but they add up in terms of time, your ability to focus at work, your free time, and your brain space. They mean there are a lot of household or kid-related "to-do" lists running through your head at all times. My point in making this admittedly very detailed chart is to have it be clear to both of us what all those small tasks are. I had not really realized what they all were until I typed them.

I think we will divide them up by categories for the most part. So, i.e., he may take over all medical scheduling (one of our kids also sees several specialists so there are a lot of appointments) or all bill paying. And some things that I currently do exclusively, like comb kids' hair and cut their fingernails, we will start to split 50/50 like we already do with bedtimes, bath, etc.

[/quote]

The result of our task review was actually less 50/50ing of each task.  That way we don't have to both monitor as many categories.  I do all the fingernails.  He does all the cooking and kitchen cleanup.[/quote]

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