Reply to My boys don't want me to get remarried

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[quote=Anonymous]This is a complicated situation and I would encourage the OP to really scrutinize this situation closely to make sure there is nothing really objectionable about her fiance.  Waiting a bit might not hurt either.

Having said this, from personal experiences of my friends whose parents divorced, I know this: children are completely, unadulteratedly selfish.  That's developmentally normal for them, but you should not let it shape your life.  No child should get everything he or she wants; do not confuse "happiness" with "getting their own way."  For the sake of the argument, if they told you they wanted an Audi or shoes/clothes of a particular brand, would you think you need to get a second job because otherwise they'd be unhappy? No, you would explain to them why they can't get what they want and that's the end of discussion.

Children are consumers of parents. They do not think of their parents as separate human beings with their own separate dreams, feelings and needs that aren't connected to serving the children.   They are not concerned with your happiness. In a few years they will be out of the house and leading their own life, and they will not care one bit if you are lonely.  That's what happened to a couple of my friends whose divorced mothers started dating and and expressed their desire to remarry.  They (my friends who were 8 and 10 at the time) screamed and kicked and promised to run away.  The mother caved and broke up with the guy.  The girls grew up and left the house; the mother died alone.  Looking back, they freely admit they were selfish jerks. [/quote]

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