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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't get all the "suck it up" comments.  The ILs' son married an American and lives in America--why should their culture and family's expectation of a DIL apply?

I would turn it around, "In our culture, we don't cook every meal." etc.[/quote]

You marry into a family, that's why.[/quote]

That's how Indians think of it. Americans think we have formed a new family after marriage with our own traditions and ways of doing things. We don't have to follow the norms and desires of a 70 something year old from India because we married their son.[/quote]

The only problem is that you married a man raised in their culture so he will feel guilty if his parents are treated differently by his wife.  [/quote]

His guilt is his problem to handle, since he freely chose to marry outside his culture. I married an Asian man, not Indian, but of a culture with those same expectations and rules. He spent years letting his mom torment us both about how unacceptable I am, and then he put his foot down. He still feels guilty at times, but owns his choices and recognizes that most aspects of traditional patriarchy are horribly unfair for women. We're happier and healthier for this. His mom is a miserable person anyway.

OP is expected to understand the culture, as it's her heritage, even if she is American-raised by a liberal family. She's caught right in the middle. Each side believes their way is correct. Lots of Indian women are starting to stand up to outmoded family pressures, and let them know they have to adapt the roles and work load to modern American life. I bet OP's in-laws don't stop and think how hard it is for her without servants.[/quote]

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