Reply to Separated and not yet ex DH is bringing girlfriend to kids events--can this be stopped?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have been separated from my ex-DH for a year but we are not yet divorced. He cheated and wanted to end the marriage. He is now bringing a brand new gf (not even 6 weeks) around the children; having sleepovers when the kids are with him; bringing her to events where I will be etc. Can this be stopped since he's not yet my EXDH and we have very small children?[/quote]

Sorry but you can't control him anymore. [/quote]

Yes she can control who is around her children. [/quote]

No, she can't. Impossible to enforce.[/quote]

biglaw here.

She can't. [/quote]
NP. Another big law attorney here. Yes, she can, but only as part of divorce proceedings. When I divorced, I made my husband agree to a clause in our settlement that barred him from having any significant other around our children until they had been dating for at least three years. I also barred him from bringing any friend (except for those listed in the agreement) around our children without prior approval from me. I agreed to be similarly bound. I also had a fine (and reimbursement of attorneys' fees needed to enforce the clause) attached to each violation. These clauses expire when our youngest child turns 14.

It has been 9 years since our divorce and we have done well for the most part. I had to enforce the clause once when he had a girlfriend of several months skulking around our kids and was claiming she was just a tenant. I gathered evidence she was more than a tenant. He called my bluff regarding enforcing the girlfriend clause, so I went to court and had him enjoined from having her around the kids. And I enforced the fine (no attorneys' fees because I handled the matter myself).

You can do a lot with a settlement agreement, but an agreement is only as strong as you are. My ex knows I will strangle him and send his soul to Hades if he brings any of his shady friends, exes, nextses, and drama around our children.[/quote]

Your prescriptive settlement is missing the forest for the trees. While it makes you feel in control and might be satisfying, I wonder what long-term impact that has had on the kids.[/quote]

Agreed. This sounds super controlling to me. [/quote]

+1. Feel bad for the kids.[/quote]
I feel bad for the kids too! What kid wouldn't want the chance to get attached to the flavor of the month only for her to disappear or turn out to be crazy? It is definitely best for the kids to be exposed to as many short-term flings as possible. Think of all the fun people they've missed out on. Terrible mom.[/quote]

You're teaching your kids to be bitter, vengeful, and controlling. This is no doing them a favor for future relationships, romantic or otherwise.[/quote]

It's interesting that her DH was adult enough to marry and have children with, but after divorce he needed to be controlled and micromanaged "for the kids". Funny how that works out.[/quote]

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