Reply to D17: "I can't stand any of you and can't wait to get out of this house"

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Reply to "D17: "I can't stand any of you and can't wait to get out of this house""

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]teenagers are awful.  and awfulness is particularly common when they're about to separate from the family.  that doesn't make it okay, but if this is at all unusual behavior, you might ride it out a bit and see where it goes.  but, yes, regardless, impose some consequence for the disrespect.  but the consequence should be proportionate - lose her car for the weekend or the week, maybe.

I can't see how taking time off in a gap year would be necessarily good for her.  maybe if she had a goal and/or a job and was eager to do so.  but de-prioritizing education in favor of making money and continuing to live at home just when she ought to be heading off doesn't seem particularly likely to make her grow up - just seems likely to make her more resentful.  college is expensive, but it isn't a luxury.  it's an important path to self-betterment/citizenship/employability.  I certainly wouldn't want to throw any obstacles in her path.  at this point, you have either prepare her or you haven't.  she's going to have to stumble through on her own a bit.

I shake my head a bit at the car, too, but at this point, you might want to consider pulling back.  enforce your rules at home but don't overdo it on the rules.  frankly, its too late for that.  she's either prepared or not.

if that is just not your style, you could try enforcing some real discipline and work for the summer.  I don't know what she has planned.  but you could certainly make continued use of the car contingent on getting a summer job and following your rules.  and if she can't get a job, you could give her house and yardwork to do to earn her privileges.    [b]I honestly think that's a little much for a 17yo about to head off to college, and[/b] it might not have the desired effect but that seems to be as hardcore as you could go at this point.[/quote]

Hahaha. You think a summer job or household work is "a little much" for a teen heading to college?!

I worked summers AND school years from age 15 on, while doing activities, taking AP classes, and living 45 minutes from school. I also had time to be a bratty teenager.* I had a car because I paid for it. It was 10 years old and the front panel was painted a lovely shade of primer. I had clothes because I paid for them. I paid for my senior pictures, class ring, and yearbook. I paid for beach week.

She's telling you she needs some independence. Give it to her.

* and I walked uphill both ways with a slab of fatback in my pocket. [/quote]
I worked during the year and every summer, too, starting when I was 13.  I also had regular chores.  My parents paid for the car (used), gas, and insurance, contingent on my keeping my grades up so as to qualify for the Good Student discount.  Otherwise, I paid all my own expenses.  I was valedictorian, went to college, and had a part-time job there, too.

And I could also be a pain in the butt to my parents, too.  It's part of the process of separation and becoming independent.  My parents and I get along well and have a good relationship now. [/quote]

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