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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A provider? No. But he definitely has to be a contributor and carry his own weight. Same message for either gender.  [/quote]

"Equally-yoked" may sound ridiculous, but it what matters most. If you're headed in the same direction, held together by common goals and values...wow, that's a marriage. So, not providers, per se, but true team mates (ha!). They see from their father and I that certain differences can break a marriage. Our educational disparity, career opportunities, and upbringing should have kept us apart. He was mean, sullen, and resented me for being and having more. Never saw us as a team. But for the children, I certainly would have been better off without him ever in my life.

My children are only just now old enough to understand that they can't marry each other! So sweet, when DD called DS her "perfect husband," while they played house. He's a good role model for her, and a constant reminder to me of what men are capable of being. At eight he plays quietly with his little girlfriend at school. Her worries are his, and he's protective of her in a way that I find quite charming. They are friends and she happens to be a girl. I can't wait to see what happens when he starts dating and if this holds up in an environment of such strange masculinity. My DD will have the education and family resources to stand on her own. I hope they each find a partner equal to them, who inspires them to lead meaningful lives full of joy.

When you say "provider" it's not just money that comes to my mind. I think of emotional support, loyalty, a challenging intellect, and other attributes. My parents were both broke when they met and fell in love, and spent a life rich in shared experience, so much so that I wonder how much happier they'd have been never having children. But, I guess that's another post. My mother lived for my father, and my father was utterly chivalrous to my mother. Having come from what looked like such different backgrounds, it's amazing the marriage worked. They were unwaveringly supportive of one another. That's what mattered.

I can only hope my children find such richness in life. Being my children, they know the value of money and will be in a position to earn well. But to love...that's what I want most for them. Don't you?

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