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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]^^
[b]I[/b] ignore the behavior.  I'm interested in knowing how to talk to the other children in the group about this apparent no-consequence bad behavior.  Also, if this bad behavior is directed at another kid, I actually DON'T think it should be ignored.  I think it's unfair to make one child suffer because another child has a disability.  Again, what I am asking here is how to coach the other kids on how to deal with him.  His parents aren't really helping in that regard.  We like them but it is getting to a point where doing things with them is just not fun because inevitably some kid will get upset over something he does.[/quote]

I appreciate you asking the question.  I have a 1st grade mainstreamed ADHD/ASD little guy who I know looks "typical" most of the time, so when he gets upset it is surprising to people.  I spend a lot of time volunteering at school so I've gotten lots of questions from the kids directly and less often their parents.

As a parent I would appreciate a compassionate approach.  I know my son can be a difficult play date partner- but his friends really mean a lot to him.  I would appreciate it if you could say something like- I noticed Larlo got upset when C happened, what can my child do to help?  She was worried about her friend and didn't know how best to respond.  Or you could ask if there is a better play date setup for the child.  I find that my son's more typical peers will say things hat are casually annoying / mean and these will fester for him, so if he is yelling at someone it is because that person called his picture ugly that morning and then also took his favorite crayon and ended by not liking his share item.  Those things combined can lead to an outburst of calling someone the meanest person in creation (the unusual vocabulary is one of the charms of aspergers).

To the kids themselves who ask me why my son gets so mad I explain that he is really sensitive and words hurt him a lot even if he doesn't always say so.  And that sometimes he gets too mad and needs some space/ time to calm down.  The kids usually get that because they know what it is to get too upset.  I also remind them that we all have bad days sometimes.  I am often struck with the kindness of children to each other when they are having a hard time.

It is helpful for my child to hear others describe him as having a tough day instead of being a bad kid.[/quote]

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