Reply to dealing with in-laws after infidelity

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[quote=Anonymous]I have never gotten along with my MIL and feel I have paid the price for all 3 decades of my marriage for the abuse she heaped on my husband when he was a boy and child. But he could never "hurt or confront her" so he hurt me instead through having an affair. As soon as D-Day hit - despite not being able to breathe or function or stop crying for weeks out of so much sadness and shock - I knew this was my golden opportunity to cut this woman out of my life forever. She has done nothing but make married life - my life w/my husband and kids miserable for years. I feel this is fate or God's way of giving me a free pass out of this relationship w/a cold, uncaring and always "her kids are right" MIL. I told my husband it was too humiliating and hard to be around his parents knowing they knew he had cheated on me-they forgave him almost instantly btw because he is their "golden child".  So except for one major party in the family - I have not seen them in 9 months. And except for our daughter's upcoming wedding - I won't. I have no beef w/his dad but he's so elderly and sweet there's no point in directing anything at him. I write to him and send him cards but I truly can't imagine just sitting around and schmoozing with my husband's family with the giant elephant in the room. His sister is a whole other story - my SIL not only supports my husband post his affair (during which time one of our young adult children had cancer - still does - and we have disabled teen son! Yes I am NOT making this up!!)....  she even attacked me - saying he couldn't be blamed for cheating on "someone like me". What a piece of crap she is. So why sit around and have family gatherings with people like this? I've known they've looked down their noses at me for decades and his affair brought not only his crappy, entitled priveleged behavior to light -but his family of origin as well. I knew it was there all along - I just didn't want to face it or others told me it was about  me not them. Ugh! Well I guess they see differently now. So I say the betrayed spouse gets to call the shots and set new boundaries to reestablish their own dignity around their contact with any and all inlaws post an affair coming to light. There are consequences to affairs that ripple through entire families. I know members of my extended family won't ever look at my husband the same and some would like to pop him in the face for the way he hurt me. So be it. Time to act like an adult and take your medicine. BTW, my family continues to be caring and concerned about both me and my husband because I don't come from cold, nasty, us-only family like he does. Just saying... the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Peace. [/quote]

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