Reply to Is DH trying to keep me down, or is he being reasonable?

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Reply to "Is DH trying to keep me down, or is he being reasonable?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What's up with this misogynistic stuff?  It's one thing to push your daughter to play sports or like science over dressing in pink all the time, but does it go beyond that with you or your daughter(s)?  And is he aware of that tone from his family of origin?

Separately, if you find you miss working in some capacity, go back to work and get a nanny or au pair! Everyone will be fine.[/quote]
STEM PhD (and only technical woman on my 40 person SW team).  I think it is a mild form of misogyny to call "girly" things like pink and dolls etc silly or a waste of time.  I was the girl-iest little girl you could imagine, with more dolls than anyone I know.  I also built and launched model rockets in elementary school, and I've literally got a degree in rocket science.  Valuing traditionally masculine things as being more substantive or important that traditionally feminine things is sending the message that what's feminine is somehow lesser.  It's not.  And it is a warning sign of control and anti-female bias if someone feels very strongly about forcing someone not to be girl-y.  It's also likely to backfire, from a practical perspective.

OP, I'm fairly surprised that the overwhelming number of responses suggest you shouldn't take classes or are somehow flighty.  You supported your family through much of your DH's schooling, so I don't think it's reasonable to suggest that you're irresponsible or don't understand the value of money.  Also, I think that people learn things in different ways, and some people do well in structured courses.  It doesn't sound like you want to go get another degree, you just want to fill some skill gaps...and maybe even expand your horizons. You don't say it, but given how specific you are about accounting your years in school vs. your DH's, maybe you feel like there is education you've missed out on or that he looks down on you for not having an advanced degree?  I don't think it's a good idea to get an advanced degree just because, but taking some classes to help you do something different with your skills, or even just to learn about something new, is not a bad thing.  As many have pointed out, I would explore online courses or the offerings at your local community college...the latter might feel better to you since it gives you more adult interaction.

And do keep an eye on your DH's controlling tendencies.  I'm a big believer in therapy to talk through these kinds of feeligns, but if that's not for you...find an outlet to explore your feeligns around his treatment of you.  Justified or not, you are not feeling good about it...and that's not going to change unless you allow yourself to understand why.[/quote]

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