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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Kids can tell if you two aren't happy.  Just end it now and move on.[/quote]

Nope. Not if you're not openly fighting. Kids are too self-centered to notice "quiet indifference".[/quote]

I agree with this.  Even had a discussion about it with my young teenager.  He was saying that he thinks DH and I get along better now and are happier because we don't fight like we did a few years ago.  Truth is, we don't care anymore.  But, in the kid's view, everything is fine.[/quote]

You all are teaching your kids what a "happy" marriage looks like - and modeling "we don't care anymore" behavior. That can't be healthy for a kid's understanding of a "happy" marriage. [/quote]

It is healthy for them to understand that adult romantic relationships are not the most important thing in the world.  And that wr don't just give up on our marriage and vows when the going gets tough.  We are happy enough and we made our decision considering all the tradeoffs as a whole.  I know enough miserable divorced people that I can't buy into that line of thinking.[/quote]

So what would you tell, say, your daughter if she was in this scenario and woefully unhappy? "Honey, I know your life blows, but you really need to suck it up and pretend to be happy for the next 10 years. You chose to give up your life when you had kids. You don't matter anymore."? Really? [/quote]

You are putting words in my mouth that i would never say.  I would tell her to take a very hard look at her finances and get a realistic picture of what joint custody and dealing with a stepmom will actually be like.  Nobody is saying she gave up her life or that she doesn't matter.  But divorce is trading one set of problems for another and there is no guarantee of being happier.  I would tell her to get a therapist, take care of herself, and pursue her own happiness within the marriage as best she can, and only dovorce after she has truly tried her best to avoid it.  Nobody is asking her to pretend to be happy, just don't expose the kids to conflict and stop chasing the fiction that a new man will fix her unhappiness.  Romantic relationships are not everything in life and we can all find happiness whether married, dating, or single, because there are so many other parts of life to sustain us.[/quote]

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