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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]I would never force him to do anything, nag him about food or give him any ultimatums. He is strong and brave and has survived things that are unthinkable. He also has enormous willpower and discipline in other areas of his life, and I wish he could apply those qualities to this, but if it doesn't happen I will find a way to make peace with that.[/quote]

OP, I suggested surgery and therapy but as another PP pointed out, therapy is probably the place to start. My armchair psychologist thought on the above is that it was probably by doing what he does with food--which is to stuff away/eat feelings and perhaps also hide himself--that perhaps allowed him to survive what sounds like terrible trauma at a young age. So, if that's the case, the mechanisms that allowed him to survive are incredibly powerful, and it would incredibly scary to not have them and be deprived of them. That is the work of therapy. It is hard work, and ongoing. Bariatric surgery will help him impove his health if he can keep the weight off, but the habits and feelings wont change withouth some work on trauma. Sounds like he needs a new doctor. [/quote]

Op here, thanks for this. His childhood included not only trauma but neglect, but food was always around and I think you're right that it is scary for him to contemplate losing that source of comfort. I don't think he's ever felt really loved and secure, but he has me and his daughter now so I hope we can help him with that. A good therapist is really needed and I want to help him find one. He doesn't like to spend money on himself and I think that has stopped him from getting good therapy and doctors. With our combined incomes it will be easier for him to get help too.[/quote]

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