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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why can't you just be a proud mom? Why do you need to include the label single?  Btw I am a single mom as well but I find it a hokey label and never use it.  I just say I am a mom.  [/quote]
Because we choose how we identify ourselves. And why can't you just be happy for a mom who caught a break? (NP here). [/quote]

Thanks, PP. OP here killing time while DD is on a tour. Listen, I wrote about being a single mother because it is one of the most defining things that ever happened in my life. I had my daughter at 21 while trying to finish up student teaching. I don't begrudge anyone's decision in terms of how they view themselves, but I have spent 17 years as a parent completely and utterly alone. My parents did not support my pregnancy, viewed it as a disgrace, and basically spent five years estranged from me and DD (I was from a conservative, southern family). My boyfriend refused to step up and co-parent and basically disappeared for nearly ten years before re-appearing with a wife, children of his own and a sudden desire to occasionally invite my daughter to their family's functions (more often than not she's not included and he has no desire to spend more time with her). His parents even refused to acknowledge DD. I have struggled and been judged because of my decision to be a single mother.

Meanwhile, I went to school at night and spent my student loans to pay for a sitter to watch my daughter at night (thank God the district provided me tuition reimbursement) so I could finish my master's degree and clinical rotations. We did this while living in a studio apartment. I was alone, scared and felt the weight of the world on my shoulders.  I saved my pennies and was able to buy a tiny townhouse in a decent school district by the time DD was in KG.

It was my choice and the right choice for me. I don't view the years as lost. I have grown in ways that make me seem so much older a 38-year-old. I have good friends in the trenches of small children and I recall those years fondly even with the stress. I don't regret anything. I have a career I love. I raised a great kid. I have a great group of friends and enjoy my hobbies.

I wanted to share my story to help someone who's in the struggle know that they can do what's right by their own children. It's a struggle, but you aren't alone.[/quote]

I am the other single mom who asked why you need to define yourself this way.

What you don't realize us that by clinging on to this story and repeating it - you ultimately are saying to your child that she was an adversity you struggled with your whole life. You may not see it this way but your kid does even if they don't tell you. That had you not had her, your life would have been better, simple. As a single mom, I hear kids like yours talk about growing up and their parents. This story doesn't make them feel good or better or happy. It makes them feel bad. About themselves, about their life. Step back. Read this story from a child's perspective. Do not for a minute think your child doesn't know how you feel or hasn't heard this story.  As a parting gift to your child, never mention being a single  mom again and never mentioned you struggled for her or your life .
[/quote]

Jesus PP, you are dead wrong. Studies show that when kids understand the sacrifices that their parents and grandparents made for them that they are truly more appreciative in life. Kids need to feel connected to their history and their families and this is a huge part of it. Growing up without a parent and grandparents is already defining. Mom is taking ownership of the narrative and showing her daughter how tough times help us grow. her DD is better for knowing what her mom sacrificed. Imagine being a young women knowing that you come from such a strong mom. Her DD will know that women can overcome anything.  I wish my mom had been a strong role model but she can;t function without a man.   OP you should proud.  And your daughter is lucky to have you as a mom.
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This. I'm surprised by the attitude about op's post. I'm not a single mom but I appreciate how difficult how hard,stressful and lonely it can be.  Op I've got nothing but praise for you and your daughter. I love that you posted this. [/quote]

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