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[quote=Anonymous]If you go there's four levels of attending:
1) Attend and slip out without trying to make a scene. 
2) Attend, show up at the receiving line/burial/reception, and leave. 
3) Mourn like you were the person's best friend, like you were gunning for a daytime Emmy.
4) Perform a reading or other part of the program, possibly be a pallbearer.

In the absence of other facts, I'd go with (2) unless the mention of you has been known to cause fights among the family. In that case (1) *and don't bring attention to yourself.*

I'd make an effort to see her in her last few days. As relatively immediate family, you have some standing to show up provided you don't make a spectacle of yourself. Yes, you could have done more in her last months.

You say "estranged" and have dodged why you're estranged. There's "someone screwed someone else over" levels of estranged and "we live 3000 miles away and just didn't make an effort to stay in touch." Many parts of the former are justifications to not even show up but the latter ... this is a time to reach out. [/quote]

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