Reply to Talk me out of an affair.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Tell your DH. Nothing quite like fanning the flames of desire by keeping a secret. In a long marriage, both of you will have temptations. You should be able to turn to each other to help you through. I had a crush on a new guy I worked with. Not quite the electricity you two had, but a crush none-the-less. I told DH and we joked around about it. Made me feel 1000% better that I wasn't keeping a secret. It also felt nice that our marriage is strong enough that he wasn't worried at all about me cheating. [/quote]

I'm sorry, but most husbands would not find it a joking manner. We are not wired that way. No guy wants to hear that his wife has a huge crush on some guy. [/quote]

Better than finding out that his wife decides to hide it and maybe act on it.[/quote]

If she acts on it that's a whole different issue. I've been married a long time and have fantasized (no crush) about being with other women but have never acted on it. And I've never told my DW though she has often said "don't you wish you were married to a younger, hotter woman" and I say "sure, but I can't afford it ." [/quote]

Right, so going through the pain now of admitting a crush (and having his aghast reaction, and a willingness to talk about it and what is going on) is better than keeping it in the dark. It is a crush at this point, nothing more. Maybe some marriage counseling sessions, just to talk about this rationally.

I am the pp who had an affair, and there was a point at which I realized I should tell my DH, but I absolutely decided not to. If I'd told him, I would have been being more open and intimate and vulnerable with him ... and our marriage would have been strengthened for it.[/quote]

All of that is true. So why didn't you tell him? Were you wanting out of your marriage?[/quote]

Yes, I think so.  We'd been emotionally estranged for some time -- partly my fault, of course -- and it was wearing on me because I didn't know what was wrong (it snuck up on me over a number of years, and I'm not very self-aware, apparently). The connection I had with the other man was powerful, and while I knew all the things I should have done, and the potential consequences of my actions, the threat of the loss of my marriage was little threat at all. I decided I'd rather have an affair than talk to my husband about it.[/quote]

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