Reply to Dying parent, hours away. How do you manage guilt of not being being there

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You can't necessarily be there.  My cousin did a round the clock vigil at her mother's bedside while she was dying of cancer.  The moment when my cousin went the bathroom is when her mom expired.

Be there for people when they're alive.  We do the best we can when we're dying.  Do the best you can and forgive yourself.[/quote]

I was so glad to see your post.  I am a hospice nurse and I see this happen frequently.  I often caution families not to be hurt or offended if this happens.  Dying is a fiercely private event and some patients do not feel comfortable "letting go" until they are alone.  I try to help families interpret this as the patient's "final gift" to them.  A death vigil is not necessarily in anyone's best interest; every patient and family are different.  Also remember that you need to keep up your stamina because there is going to be SO much to do after your mom passes away which is physically and emotionally exhausting.  I am so sorry for what you're going through.[/quote]

Can I just also say thanks to this poster- what you do is routine and your job and all that, but it means so much to so many.

Hospice and NICU nurses especially do so much more than they know![/quote]

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