Reply to My sister let her son drop out of UVA to work a dead-end job

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm sure she's putting a positive spin on it on social media because what else could she say? Little Jaden is home because he had a mental health crisis/failed out/drank too much? Do you think she should go on social media and say she is disappointed with her son's failure? [/quote]

OP clearly thinks she should be so embarrassed as to not mention anything on social media. You know what? Some people try to find positives in bad situations and need to find a way to appreciate that. I find that your generation, OP, fills this "way of appreciation" via explanatory FB posts (way, way more than mine at 36, never mind young people).[/quote]

Yes, she should be embarrassed her college-aged son has returned home after a failed and wasted attempt at college. There's nothing to BOAST about it. I don't think it's "spin" I think she's genuinely excited to have him home. What does the "bragging" tell her son and the younger siblings? That it's OK to quit and be a loser underachiever. She's normalizing immature behavior.

There's far more to the story -- [b]I wouldn't have made this thread if it was mental health or a ailment. She coddled him and continues to coddle him, thus, unable to function and all too eager to run home to mommy's warm embrace. This is conditioned behavior that won't end because she's continue to coddle him.[/b][/quote]

But my dear - as a parent of a child with special needs, I can assure you that "coddling" is what ends up happening to accommodate certain types of special needs. It's called symptom management, when medical treatment and behavioral modification are absent or insufficient. I'm NOT saying your nephew has special needs, I'm saying that *perhaps* he does, and you don't see it because you haven't lived with him long-term. My son's show up most during his morning and bedtime routine, for example. If your sister doesn't see it either, and has issues of her own - and it certainly sounds as if she does - then this makes for a very bad situation. It happens for heritable disorders: the parents have undiagnosed ADHD or Asperger's, and since they think they're normal, don't recognize that their children suffer from more severe forms of the same, and the issues never resolve but are more or less poorly managed.

Or it could be what you said, which is that your sister's issues have fragilized a perfectly normal child. And that, too, is sad.
In both cases, the children are the victims.

I would invite your nephew casually and talk to him about his decision. Don't try to sway him, just talk to to him and connect.[/quote]

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